Harry's Dark Secret
by xXScream4Xx
Summary: After a very stressful morning Harry is informed about things from his past that even he, never knew about.


**Harry Potter loves Voldemort**

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Once upon a time Harry Potter and the gang were at Hogwarts practicing their magic and being super lame as always, and Harry couldn't take it anymore, he had enough!

"YO, WHY WEA DOIN DIS LAME STUFFS FO'?!" Harry exclaimed then he picked up a large stick and hit Hermione on the head with it!

"OW WUT WAS DAT FO'?! U COULD'VE HURT MEH SEPTUM RING!"

Then Hermione grabbed Harry's arm and flipped him over with her ungodly man strength! Harry hit the floor with a loud thud and that made Dumbledore, Harry's secret number one fangirl get super angry! "HOW DAR U DO DAT 2 MEH HAIRY POOPER!" he proclaimed while a white dust like substance was falling from his nose.

Hermione gazed at Dumbledore with killer eyes, Dumbledore started to tremble as he looked her up and down, her eyes had tons of black eye liner on them, her hair dyed pink, blue and green, her sentient septum ring, her arms were completely covered in tattoos as well as her legs, and she was wearing an Asking Alexandria tank top with shorts that were covered in pictures of Justin Bieber.

"YO DISGUSTIN EMOOOOOOOOOO!" Dumbledore yelled as he charged Hermione!

Hermione dodged his attack with an amazing back flip, "YO CANT DESTROY MEH!" Hermione proclaimed

"HAH! FOOLISH CHILD!"

Dumbledore then made a blue ball appear in his hands "RASENGAN!" then he threw it at her

"NARUTO IS GEI!"

Then Harry got up and ran out of Hogwarts _DEY ALL GONE COO COO!_ Harry thought as he ran out into the forest that was being destroyed by construction workers that were hired by factories.

After a little while Ron and Hermione decided that they wanted to cool off so they went to Chuck-E-Cheese! Ron was so excited to go, he felt like a child again, as they were driving there they were stuck in a traffic jam, but while they were playing eye spy they saw a person fly over them on a broom! It was, Voldemort!

"NUUU! NOT HIM AND HIS HARAM!" Hermione shouted in distress!

"HAHA WHOAAAAAA! IT FEELZZZZ GUD TO BE A PIMPPP!" Voldemort yelled as he was dumping buckets of urine on the cars, "WHEEWWW! I LOVE BEATIN WOMEN AND LOOKIN GUDDD IN DIS MINK COAT!"

"DAT MONSTER!" Hermione had no choice but to fight! She opened the moon roof in the car and flew out leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

"WHEEEWW! YOU WANNA GO?!"

Hermione grinned, "YOU DUMB DUMB I WILL POOP IN YO MOUTH!"

"YOU DISGUSTIN WENCH! I'LL SLAP YOU HARDER THAN I DID TO MY FIRST WAIFU HARRY!"

Hermione made her move! She pulled a small red and white ball out of her pocket, "PIKA CHU I CHOOSE UUUUUUUU!" then she threw it and a tiny Draco Malfoy popped out!

Voldemort screamed, "NOOOOO WHY NUUUUUUUU! NOT HIM!"

"YES, IT IS I DRACO MALFOY AND I'VE COME TO DESTROY YOU AND I HAVE MY HEAD SHOVED SO FAR UP MY OWN ARSE I CANT EVEN SEE YOU RIGHT NOW!"

Draco was just floating in the air with his head up his own arse, Voldemort couldn't believe his eyes! Draco, the long lost prophet was upon us, at last!

"MAH KINGGG!" Voldemort exclaimed as he did a slight bow.

"FOOLISH HERMIONE YOU HAS AWAKENED ME FROM MY SLUMBER!" Draco laughed manically

Then, out of nowhere a bright light shined so bright everyone lost their sight for a moment, "AH MAH EYEZ!" some people screamed in terror. When people started to regain their sight and the light slowly started to fade they saw that it was Lily Potter! Everyone shivered in fear!

Draco gasped, "NO! MY NEMISIS!"

"LOOK IMA ANGEL, BET YOU BELIEVE IN GOD NOW, YOU DUMB PIECE OF CRAP!"

Meanwhile Harry was practicing his dark and evil power in the Hogwarts forbidden dungeon, "WAZAAA WAKA ZAM!" Harry casted a spell that made all the toilets all over the world clean!

"HALLELUJAH!" the masses proclaimed as restroom herpes were a thing of the past!

Harry smirked evilly, "There's one way of defeating Voldemort and DATS TO CLEAN HIS TOILET HAHAHAAH WHEWWW!"

But then there was a loud thump on the stairway to the dungeon! Harry quickly spun around and pulled out his super powerful pink wand with a glittery star at the end, but alas, it was just Dumbledore his number one fangirl, "OH HARRY U GAVE MEH QUITE A START!" Dumbledore proclaimed as he nearly had a heart attack and fell down the stairs.

"WUT DO U WANT YA PERVY OLD MAN!" Harry sat down on a pumpkin angrily, crossed his arms and huffed.

"YOU KNOW HARRY, I TRIED W33D ONCE BUT I NEVER INHALED!" Dumbledore yelled as he finished walking down the stairs.

Harry's eyes grew wide as he knew it was time for them to have that 'talk' about nature. Harry became so afraid that he fell off the pumpkin and onto the ground trembling in fear!

"WHAT THE DEFINITION OF IS, IS?"

Harry tried to use his hands to push himself backwards away from Dumbledore, but it was futile as he soon hit the wall.

"SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A FIRE HYDRANT LOOKING AT A PACK OF DOGS!"

Harry broke out in a cold sweat and started screaming, "NO, NO PLEASE STOP!"

"THERE WERE ALOT OF TIMES WE WERE ALONE, BUT I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT WE WERE!"

Dumbledore leaned in closer to Harry, "YO MOMMA WORKED FOR VOLDEMORT!"

Harry became so overwhelmed with everything that just happened that he fainted on the spot.

Dumbledore then picked up Harry and was taking him back to his room, but on his way there he ran into Ginny, "IZ HAIRY OK?"

"HE WILL BE OK, HE JUST HAD HIS AWAKENING, HE WILL NOW UNLEASH HIS TRUE POWAH ON VOLDEMORT!"

Ginny gasped, "DID U TWO HAVE DAT... TALK?"

Dumbledore nodded as he knew that the talk is meant for only the best of warriors.

Voldemort then felt a disturbance in the force, "NO, IT CAN"T B!"

Draco started laughing, "HARRY HAS HAD HIS AWAKENING, HOW FOOLISH OF DUMBLEDORE TO GIVE SUCH POWER TO A MINDLESS SERVANT OF MEH!"

Hermione was infuriated! No one spoke about _her_ Harry like that! Without warning she summoned the biggest ransengan anyone had ever seen! "BURN THEM ALL!" Her septum ring spoke.

Now Ron conveniently enters the storyline again, "HERMIONE NOOOOO!"

"BURN THEM! BURN THEM!" The septum ring chanted.

Voldemort smirked, "DON MAKE MEH BACK HAND U LIEK I DID 2 ALL MAH OTHAH WAIFUS!"

"BURN THEM BURN THEM!"

Draco sighed, "HOW DARE YOU TURN YOUR WEAPONS ON YOUR MASTER FOR I CREATED YOU AND MADE YOU YOUR OWN BEING I TOOK YOU UP OUT OF THE DIRT AND CLEANED YOU OFF AND MADE YOU WHOLE AGAIN I STOPPED DUMBLEDORE FROM CREATING GINGERS-"

Hermione smirked, "DATS A LIE CUZ THERE ARE GINGERS! LOOK AT RON AND DAT SOULLESS RED HAIR!"

Ron then jumped out of the car as well and summoned a pink unicorn to fly on, "HOW DARE U CALL MEH SOULLESS!"

Lily was dumb founded at the idiocy, "BUT BUT, I AM YOUR GODDESS!"

Then a flash a lightning came from the sky followed by a loud clap of thunder, smoke filled the air, and as the smoke cleared they saw a figure standing.

"DID SOMEONE CALL FO A GAWD?!"

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 **To be continued!**


End file.
